i don't know what to think right now...i have lost her. all the things that i did to make sure that she didn't turn into me, turned against me. she's afraid of me and has been all her life...how can I undo that? I can't...i am a complete and utter faulure as a mom...if she is afraid of me, she doesn't want to be around me...i hate mself right now... everything i did was a complete failure. I tried to raise her the complete opposite from how i was...i didn't want her to be bitter like me...i guess because i was so adamant about doing the right thing, I did everything wrong....she finally stood up to me....and I deserved it....I've been fighting that she is growing up....after she's moved on with her life, I will have nothing...I turned into the one person that I swore I never would.....I hate myself like you can't imagine. my heart hurts and i don't know how to fix this. i feel so alone and so lost right now...I thought I was doing right by her and I fucked everything up.....what is the point now? I've lost her...she's not my baby anymore and furthermore, she is fucking terrified of me! I give up....there's nothing else I can do....God help me, I just want to stop hurting....I want to fix it but I cant take back all of those years....I'm sorry, so very sorry.....no matter what, I love you and will always love you.....