Ok, after a wasted week with bingeing and purging, I gained back 7.5 lbs. No blaming, no excuses. I screwed up...BUT I did have a breakthrough. I realize now that while I succumbed to the temptation to binge...it was not pretty when I got on the scale today. At least I know that the majority of it is temp weight gain as I flooded myself with major water as I gave in....
I have started the EF in earnest today. I will hopefully continue the EF until I can get back to where I was before the stupid binge! No matter, I will not let the minor setback affect me more then the time it takes me to write this post. I won't dwell on my stumble. It's been a long hard journey to get the weight off so far, and I will not let this minor speedbump change the course of my journey. I have always been so ready to forgive others when they have let me down in some way or another, so I will begin to forgive the one who should matter the most to me. If I cannot forgive myself, how can I truly grow as a person and acknowledge the fact that I have done an awesome job so far with my weight loss! I have lost 57.5 lbs so far! When I started this journey, I couldn't have even dreamed that I would have lost that much in a short time! I say short because over 4 months (and I wouldn't even count Dec because I totally went off plan) That's 16 weeks at a loss of 3.6 lbs per week...I am definitely proud of that accomplishment. I will not gloss over it and not pat myself on the back for that....
Sometimes the whole process seems so overwhelming and daunting...I know that I didn't put the weight on overnight, and I refuse to expect miracles overnight! I am trying to manage my behaviors and figure out the real reason I binge....I binge and I cannot manage my portions....Two big roadblocks when you're trying to lose weight, don't you think?! lol I have changed over to smaller plates/bowls. I need to work on portioning out the food prior to cooking, maybe that'll help....The bingeing is another story. I binge for the most part and self sabotage because of fear. I am afraid of success....If I succeed, I will have no excuse for not going out and living my life. Do I deserve to be happy? Do I deserve to find that special man to spend my days (and nights) with? Too often in the past, my answer would have been..NO....not anymore. I finally realized what I have been doing! Why did I let it continue for so long?! That is my only regret, but now I know that my answer to everything is YES!!!! I deserve to succeed, I deserve to be happy and to find that man that's gonna rock my world! With each pound lost, I see now that I am slowly succeeding in my goal! I never looked at it like that before...now my eyes are seeing a totally different picture....WOW....talk about looking at things through rose colored glasses....mine were more like blacked out glasses! I am resolute....I know it's not healthy to dwell on my failures so onward and upward! I AM human and I WILL make mistakes....no one is perfect. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to take the steps in the right direction and carve out a better, healthier life for myself.....
DAY ONE of my new and better life.....
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